If there is ever a topic I shy away from, it’s the subject of friendship. There are several reasons for this but mostly it’s because it is an area of struggle for me. It takes a lot for me to open up and be vulnerable with people.
However, God loves to use our weaknesses to display His strength. He has been showing me the value in breaking out of my shell and letting people in.
Today I’m honored to be featuring Alisa Nicaud from Flourishing Today on my blog and I’m ever so grateful for her.
Alisa goes over the fundamental qualities of good friends, and they are all characteristics I hope I earnestly display in my relationships with others.
I can’t wait for you to read her wise words.
Have ever been stuck in mud?
When I was younger we would go “muddin”.
We’d take cars, jeeps, any kind of vehicle available and go out to a vacant field where we could ride through the muddy terrain.
Although it was a blast, someone always got stuck.
And the thing about mud is….once your stuck, you need someone to pull you out.
You can try pressing the accelerator to get yourself out, but that results in spinning your wheels and digging further into the mud.
Life can be like that sometimes, can’t it?
We get stuck in a situation or in a mindset, and rather than reaching out to someone else, we start spinning our wheels and digging ourself deeper.
The beauty of friendships, good friendships, is that we always have someone waiting with a hitch to pull us out when we get stuck.
The beauty of friendships is that we always have someone waiting with a hitch to pull us out when we get stuck @Alisa_Nicaud #FlourishingToday Share on X
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Not too long ago, I became overwhelmed by the amount of responsibility I was carrying. In addition to traveling a lot, I had been overloading myself with projects and activities for the kids.
It all became a bit much and I began to recluse.
That’s what I do when I get overwhelmed, I begin to isolate.
I don’t mean taking a step back to rest, I actually close people off and shut down socially.
Definitely not a healthy reaction.
Thank God I have friends who know me well enough to recognize when I’m spiraling.
A dear friend of mine began to recognize my inward retreat.
Rather than holdback from hurting my feelings, she risked the friendship and came to me in concern.
She could see I was overdoing it.
She saw the exhaustion, the anxiousness and the heaviness that was weighing on me and she expressed those things to me.
What she didn’t know, was that God was speaking these same things to me in detail. He had laid out His concerns for me and began addressing each one in a loving way.
My friend’s words were confirmation of the changes I needed to make.
Since that time, I’ve thought about the kind of friend I want and the kind I want to be.
I came up with 3 qualities to look for in a good friend:
Loyalty
We all want a friend who will sticks by our side. A person who says, “I’m right here with you!” when you’re going through the hardest of times.
Jonathan and David experienced this type of friendship.
Their hearts were knit together as one.
After David had finished talking with Saul, Jonathan became one in spirit with David, and he loved him as himself. From that day Saul kept David with him and did not let him return home to his family. And Jonathan made a covenant with David because he loved him as himself. 1 Samuel 18:1-3 NIV
Jonathan repeatedly displayed his loyalty to David, regardless of what others thought. He gave David everything he had. He supported him in every way, even when Jonathan’s father sought to kill David.
That is true loyalty.
Do you have a friend that will stick by your side regardless of what you’re going through?
Trustworthy
A good friend is someone you can trust. A few weeks ago my daughter was talking to one of her friends, who had something big coming up. Her friends said, “Please don’t tell anyone. But I had to tell you.”
It reminded me of when I was younger and would tell my secrets to my best friends.
I remember feeling like I would burst when I had great news to share with them.
Yet somehow as adults, we forget that we need that too!
We need friends that we can trust with our information, our feelings and our dreams without worry that they’ll go tell someone else.
We need friends to confide in and to confide in us.
Who are your trustworthy friends?
**On a sidenote**
God has designed us to be relational beings. If you’ve experienced hurts in past relationships, it can be difficult to trust people. But pushing through the doubt will be crucial to establishing healthy relationships in the future. If you are struggling in this area, I would love to pray for you. Leave a comment and I’ll be sure to respond.
Courageous
This quality is probably one of the most valuable in a friendship. Having a courageous friend means being able to handle when they tell you what you need to hear and not just what you want to hear.
I love this scripture in Proverbs:
Wounds from a sincere friend are better than many kisses from an enemy. Proverbs 27:6 NLT
Sometimes we only want to hear the good. Someone to encourage us and tell us how well we’re doing.
But there are times that we need to hear truth.
When things are going south and everyone sees it but us, we need a friend like the one I mentioned above who has the freedom to express their concern.
Do you have friends that feel comfortable speaking into your life?
Friendships are important.
Friendship is not just nice, it's necessary. @Alisa_Nicaud #FlourishingToday Share on X
We need others to do life with us.
Do you have close friends to walk with? What qualities do you love about them? Share them in the comments with us! I’d love to hear what you look for in a friend!
About the Author:
Alisa Nicaud currently lives just north of New Orleans, LA with her husband Philip Nicaud, their five children and their dog, Roux. She owns a boutique coaching practice and is the founder of the blog, Flourishing Today. Through her own tragedies, Alisa is intimately familiar with the struggles of anxiety, fear, insecurity and depression. Alisa’s willingness to be transparent gives her a unique advantage in relating to women from all walks of life and leadership. She freely shares helpful hints and practical encouragement rooted in Biblical truth in her posts and resources. Her passion is to help women grow in faith and walk in purpose. You can learn more by visiting her blog at www.flourishingtoday.com
Thank you for sharing the 3 qualities of a good friend. I would add to the list, authentic. I seek authentic friendships. Heart-to-heart friendships. Lisa Bevere speaks of the “deep wells” of our life. At this time in my life, I’m searching for those deep wells!
Authenticity is very important. I agree Robin! Lisa Bevere brings up such good points.
Thank you! I really needed to read this today. I have struggled all my life with friendships, because I had a very difficult childhood and am afraid to trust people. The past couple years have been the hardest of all. My husband and I made some major changes to our lifestyle and started working on being more obedient to God. As a result, all of the friends we socialized with at that time stopped contacting us. My closest girl friend, who I thought was a Christian, cut me out of her life completely, because I had to confront her about a sin in her life that really scared and disturbed me. I’m currently in my thirties and pregnant with our first child, and I don’t have any girl friends to share this experience with. My husband is my best friend and I praise the Lord for that, but it’s not fair for him to bear the entire burden. We have had a very difficult time finding a church in our area that fits our needs. I pray constantly that my husband and I will both find the kind of friends that you have described here. And I pray most of all that I can be that kind of friend for someone else. Thank you again for the blessing of your post and the hope that it gives!
Dearest Lori,
I truly believe that God will answer that prayer! I’m praying for you today.
Your statement, “Sometimes we only want to hear the good. Someone to encourage us and tell us how well we’re doing. But there are times that we need to hear truth.” struck me as so important. I don’t always want to hear the truth (if I’m being candid), but someone willing to speak truth into my life would have a great impact… regardless of the discomfort. (I need to ponder on this a while.)
I really appreciate your three qualities — These are so important – and your first one (Loyalty) makes up the first of three my husband and I have chosen to represent our own, differentiating Values as a husband and wife. (The other two Values are Optimism and Discovery) We look at these 3 Values as sign posts or rumble strips along the road of life to keep us focused and help us make decisions.
Loyal, Trustworthy, and courageous. I love those 3 characteristics. Loyalty is so important to me. I have a few treasured friends I know I can always count on, rain or shine. I love knowing they’re there for me.
You hit the nail on the head! These are good traits to HAVE in a friend as well as to BE in a friend. They also make me evaluate current friendships and ask some tough questions. As time is pressed, as it so often is, I want to invest most heavily in the type of friendships that are loyal, trustworthy, and courageous. 🙂 Thanks for your wonderful wisdom.
As an adult is not easy to find a loyal friend. This post has really encouraged me to open up and see The best of people around me. Thank you for sharing! Blessings
I too tend to isolate when I’m stressed. But you are right, a friend is often what’s needed. My best friends speak truth into my life, even when it’s hard to hear.
Also long term friends make space for you in busy seasons. They make friendship valuable.
Visiting you from the Faith Fuel linkup today.
Going “muddin” sounds like so much fun. I love the analogy to friendship. I don’t know what I would do without the special friends I have in my life. They point me in the right direction when I start going the wrong way. They speak boldly about things that sometimes I am not open to seeing and most important they point me to God. I love the three qualities you mentioned; I do believe those that I am closest to hold all 3 of those qualities.
Like-minded friends are such an encouragement and can truly lift the spirit. I’m grateful I know you Maree. I always appreciate your visits : )
This is so good, Alisa ♥ Friendship is life-giving. And as you acknowledged, it can also be so very painful. I think anyone who has ever loved a friend has also, at one time, been hurt by a friend, We can let the hurt build walls around our heart, or we can push past the hurt to build the courage that keeps the walls down and the trust alive. It is like the quote I’ve always loved (but don’t know who said it first!), “It is better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all.”
Thank you both Natalie and Alisa for blessing me today with these words. I know I am grateful for the friendships I have with both of you!
Hugs,
Lori
Lori! You are such an incredibly genuine woman and I’m thrilled to have actually met you in person. You are even more sweet than I could have imagined. Alisa has been an incredible blessing in my life and I learn daily from her about what loyal friendship is all about : ) I’m blessed to have friends like the both of you!
I loved reading this and definitely can relate.
Awesome news Kim!
I’m so glad this message spoke to your heart : )
Loyalty is my favorite quality probably because it’s my favorite attribute of God’s.
I’m right there with you sister. Without loyalty to God and those we love, life is futile.
I have tried for years to find just one friend with those 3 qualities: loyalty, honest and courageous! It’s funny that this week I read where the Oxnard dictionary said the word of the year is Toxic. I believe we are in a time where wolves in the church are covered in sheep clothing. As you get closer to the real people you thought were Christian friends, you discover who they really are. But what’s more convincing is their actions. As Christians we are called to love, help, support, care, pray, speak truth and disciple all that we come across in our journey. In these dark times of betrayal of friends my flesh hurts, my heart is crushed; however, I am called to love and forgive. And in these dark times, I feel so strongly about where my identity is: that my identity is in Christ and that no one can separate me from God. And for that I am so grateful! That God is my true Friend. All because of God’s grace! Please pray for me to find a Friend … the kind of friend that has the fruits of the spirits and all the characteristics you mentioned above. ❤️