Life Can Be Traumatic.
Oh dear sweet readers, I’ll have to start this blog post off with an apology for my absence. These past couple of months life has thrown me a curveball and I’ve found myself caught in one of the most difficult times of my existence. I felt as if I was caught in a whirlwind of traumatic events and for a time they seemed unrelenting. I feel a bit of relief that I’m now able to sit with you and explain why I’ve been away.
At the beginning of October I received news that rocked me to my core and had me questioning what God was doing. I found out I was pregnant with our third child. But see, that wasn’t the traumatic part. Even though I was on birth control and we had made up our minds long ago that two children would be more than enough for us, God had different plans. Those were plans that we had to adjust our lives to and embrace. The Lord obviously saw a reason that two kiddos weren’t enough for us. He saw fit for us to start over again and this blew our mind because our oldest child is twenty years old and our youngest is seventeen.
Although this news jolted me, I knew God had created this child with huge plans in mind. My questioning turned into accepting and it wasn’t long before I was planning for our new arrival.
Then enters the traumatic part…
Almost immediately I began experiencing excruciating pain and bleeding. Both of these things were completely inconsistent with what I had experienced during my previous pregnancies and it left me feeling fearful and anxious. I was in and out of doctor’s offices so that I could be monitored by ultrasound. Despite the pain and bleeding the images revealed a baby with a strong heart beat who was growing right on schedule. The images of my precious baby who I could already see moving around in my womb gave me reassurance that God had in fact blessed me with a little fighter. Even if my body was giving me a hard time, this baby was going thrive. That’s what my heart told me.
Painfully, as much as my heart wanted that to be true, life would take a different turn.
Sometimes the hurt is necessary so that real growth is allowed to take place Share on X
On Saturday, October 28th 2017 I had to be taken to the hospital by ambulance where I lost my baby. The Lord took my precious little one home and despite my resolve to fight for this little life (I’ll be discussing this fight more later), God decided that my baby should be with Him instead. No nursery to decorate, no little hands to hold. God had shown me what could have been, and suddenly it had been taken away.
Now I was again asking the question why. Why the pain? Why the loss?
I Didn’t Understand
I didn’t understand then because it was too soon. In the following weeks during my time of healing the Lord revealed many things to my heart. The reality was that many women go through miscarriages. Approximately one in four pregnancies result in miscarriage and this is a statistic I would have been completely oblivious to beforehand. The commonality of miscarriage doesn’t lessen the pain and instead it should raise awareness to the amount of women who experience this kind of heartache.
I’ve slowly come to realize that this little life that I was blessed with for just a short time was given so that I could grow in faith and perseverance. I’m supposed to tell my story so that it helps others who are going through the very same thing. I am supposed to give a voice to what otherwise might be kept silent. It’s about more than miscarriage. It’s about pain and trauma. These types of life-changing events take many forms and we have a God who is willing to help us through each one of them. But where do we start when we are broken and hurting?
We start at the cross. The comfort begins there.
Pay close attention to these next verses:
“All praise to God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. God our merciful Father and the source of all comfort. He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others. When they are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us. For the more we suffer for Christ, the more God will shower us with his comfort through Christ. Even when we are weighed down with troubles, it is for your comfort and salvation! For when we ourselves are comforted, we will certainly comfort you. Then you can patiently endure the same things we suffer. We are confident that as you share in our sufferings, you will also share in the comfort God gives us.”
2 Corinthians 1:3-7 NLT
No one can deny that life is full of ups and downs and twists and turns. Life is unpredictable and sometimes the more we try to plan, the less our lives end up looking like what we pictured in our mind. He understands how every fabric of our lives are to be woven together to create His perfect masterpiece. Even when that masterpiece doesn’t make sense to us. What should make sense to us as believers is that we aren’t alone. Each and every event in our lives serves a purpose that He has counted as worthy. We serve a compassionate God who in turn, wants us showing compassion to others. How else can you really empathize without feeling the same kind of pain? How can you tell anyone about the goodness of His comfort if you haven’t felt it for yourself?
The Promise of Comfort
Many of us have the built in desire to have comfort and familiarity in our lives. It helps us feel secure. I’ve found that God will shake up that comfortable place to keep us on our knees and reliant on Him. The stability we experience in life is fleeting. Health can be gone in an instant and life is but a vapor. If you find yourself in the midst of a traumatic event, it may be too soon to ask why. Instead ask for God’s comfort. He’s where we should start because He is the source of all good things.
I’m comforted knowing that I will see my baby one day in Heaven. I’m relieved knowing that the most loving arms in existence are wrapped around my little one keeping him/her safe.
God remains the only one who stands the test of time. His security is all we need and His comfort is everlasting.
Natalie, this is so beautifully written. Thank you for being so open and for sharing even under such difficult circumstances. Your words give direction and hope and point us straight to the One who can comfort in the way no one else can. Praying for you, Natalie. 💜
Thank you so much sweet friend. Your support and prayers have also brought me so much comfort. God has used you in a big way and I’m so thankful for you!
I had been feeling down about my financial situation. It began to feel as if the world were closing in on me. This helped a lot. My suffering can help others
Oh God bless you Dee. I’m saying a prayer for you today.
Such a beautiful post. Such reassurance of God’s great love for us even as he stirs us up from our comfort spot. To be used by God even in our most painful life events, as part of his masterpiece is an honor. Oh to surrender to be used as a tool in the hand of the Master in our moments of pain!! Yes, it can only be God!
Natalie thank you for sharing your heart and allowing one of your most painful life events to encourage us as we journey through.
Blessings dear Sister.
Thank you so much Lureta! It isn’t easy but I knew that an event like this should not be kept secret. I have to share how God is always moving, healing, and restoring. God is good sister!
This is so beautiful. Thank you for sharing!
Thank you for your kind words Allison. I really do appreciate you stopping in.
God remains God !!!! Through the ups and downs , the valleys and hills, the births and deaths- He remains our comfort, refuge, shelter, and treasure .
‘I’m relieved knowing that the most loving arms in existence are wrapped around my little one keeping him/her safe.” Now I just cried reading this absolute truth about your little one. What a comforting truth. May the Lord use you to minister to many who have lost their loved ones .
You are wonderfully and fearfully created by a loving Savior
Oh Diana, it makes me cry just thinking about it. My baby is where I long to be. It makes me long for Heaven even more so. You’re a blessing!
Bless your heart- and your life Natalie, and your relationship with our Father. Thank you for being so transparent. Beautifully written.
Thank you so much April. It isn’t easy but I know that it is a story that needs to be told. Even if it only blesses one person than it’s worth it.
I have been praying for you throughout this difficult time, Natalie, and I can’t even begin to imagine what you are going through. God is so much stronger than our pain and He can bring us through the most unimaginable times in our life, even though it is excruciatingly hard. This was beautiful. Continued prayers for you and your family <3
You have no idea how much your prayers mean to me. Thank you Madison! It’s prayer warriors like yourself that make this entire ordeal so much easier to bear. God bless you!
I am so sorry for all you have gone through. It is indeed trauma, and the comfort that we hold onto is that we are never alone. Thank you for sharing your heart so others feel open and free to share their stories too. Praying for comfort and peace every time you think of your little one.
Thank you so much for your prayers friend. It has been a difficult time but God is sooo faithful! God bless you.
Beautifully written Natalie and I am sure it will strengthen women who have experienced this pain through your testimony. We continue to lift up your family in prayer.
Thank you friend! You know that I always appreciate your prayers : )
I just went through a miscarriage on Dec. 28. I was only six weeks along, but it was a child that I had longed for and dreamed about for over a year while waiting for my husband to side with me on the issue. Natalie, I remember how sad I was for you when your own miscarriage happened a few months back. However, the timing of your post had to be a God thing. Thank you for writing this. It provided me with some comfort.
Dearest Lauren,
I’m so deeply sorry for your loss. I cannot begin to tell you the amount of emotions that a loss like this brings but what I can tell you is God is good and faithful. He restores everything that we have lost. You will see your baby in Heaven, be sure of that. I am here for you.
I am so sorry for your loss. This is such a difficult thing to open up about but you are faithful for doing it anyway! God will use your voice and your story to comfort so many others. I remember the first time I read a blog post on miscarriage was on Casey Leigh Wiegand’s blog. Yours reminded me of hers, you both have such a sweet outlook on your painful circumstances. Blessings for this new year ahead.
Lisa, I thank you from the bottom of my heart. It is only by God’s grace that I’m able to move forward and even be in a place of sharing about my pain. God is truly good!
Natalie,
Thank you so much for this lovely sharing of such a sad event. I, too, went through that experience when I was 36. I’m much older now, but remember every detail. What you shared will certainly be a blessing to anyone who stumbles upon your blog. You are absolutely gifted in your Christian writing!! And you are an inspiration to me.
Beverly, your words just warmed my heart. Thank you so much. The Father has been so good to me and in turn my prayer is that my testimony will bless others. Thank you so much for stopping in today.
I’ve been praying for directions and feeling lost, like no one can understand what am going through mentally. My husband and I have had the same experience with identical twin babies. We have also endured the pain of our oldest son going to prison. We have two children a son who’s 21 and a daughter who’s 18. The most recent was our son going to prison. W e had no idea that he was living the life that he was living. There was absolutely nothing we could do to stop him from going to prison. It was almost as if God had our hands tied, we where willing to sell everything we had. We had a lawyer but he is still serving time. This shattered our world as we knew it. God spoke to me and said ” It was my will”, ” Let my will be done”. I didn’t understand it then, but by and by it was revealed to me. As we visited my son he began to tell us about the life he was living and things that we knew nothing about. He told us that it was not our fault that he was locked up. He took the blame and told us not to worry because God was working with him and that God allowed this to happen to save him. Wow! I began to thank God for saving my son. It still is hard, I cry often, because I feel that his missing out on life and I miss him so much, but nevertheless we are not in control of anything God is. I ask that you pray for our strength to endure what this life has brought and will bring and we will do the same for your family.
Dearest Lonnett,
As I read this I weep. I weep because your children are the same ages as my children and I also have a son and daughter (my son is my oldest). I weep with you because the Lord put this deep empathy within my heart for you. How wonderful it is that He is making beauty from the ashes and that your son is already seeing that God is using this situation to bring him closer to God. I’m going to send you an email now.