I Fought For The Life of My Unborn Baby

This post is a little out of the ordinary for me. Ever since the recent Bill that legalized abortion for up to 9 months gestation passed in the State of New York, I’ve had a stirring inside of me to share my story. I’ve touched on it before, but now it’s time to open up and shed some light on the subject. The subject needs a lot of light friends. Light that permeates and cracks open the dark crevices in a murderous pipeline. Light that holds truth and offers forgiveness.

There is something that sets my story apart from other stories. It so happens that my miscarriage that occurred a little over a year ago put my faith to the test in more ways than one…

I Fought For My Unborn Baby’s Life When I Was Told That My Life Was At Risk

There is a sentence added to this Bill that seemingly makes abortion less complicated and that is “when the life of the mother is at risk.”

The threat of death is real when there is pain and bleeding. It also contributes to the fear.

It’s also that much more scary when it’s happening to you.

The entire situation from last year helped me to realize what many women are facing and what kinds of things they are being told by medical professionals. There isn’t much hope out there and fear is a breeding ground for hasty decision-making.

When I was exposed to this darkness myself, my faith was jolted. That jolt sent shockwaves of fear to my core. But I’ll save you the suspense – God was ever so present through it all.

God showed me how to fight.

The Lord showed me how to truly trust.

My Father showed me that faith would prevail.

A High-Risk Pregnancy

From the very start my unexpected pregnancy came with a boatload of issues:

• The fact that I was starting over with an 18 year difference between siblings.
• I was considered high-risk because of my age
• I was on birth-control (IUD) which was causing bleeding and extreme pain.

Even with the set-backs I was ready to fight for the baby growing inside me. I began to imagine what our new future would hold and I started making adjustments in anticipation of all of the wonderful things God would do.

Then the Pain Got Worse

After countless visits to the OB/GYN and numerous ultrasounds, I was finally sent to a high-risk doctor to get a better understanding of what was happening inside of me.

You see, my pain was excruciating. Like that of intense, unrelenting labor pains and yet every time they checked me the baby was growing at a normal rate and had a very strong heart beat. I even got to witness my little bean moving around.

That is when the high-risk doctor gave it to me straight…

“You will most likely lose this baby. Your body is rejecting the IUD and in turn it MAY cause a miscarriage. Your life is at risk if you let this progress. I can perform an abortion today.”

I Have Always Been Pro-Life

I’m pro-life. Imagine my horror as the word abortion is being said to me. I’m a person who has always been unashamed to say that I’m anti-abortion.

Suddenly conversations from my past started revisiting me. All of the times I said I would “NEVER” do that. The fact that I’ve had an unplanned pregnancy before and have been offered an abortion of which I vehemently denied. A time I had to give a speech in debate class that argued my points on being pro-life that I proceeded to win. And here I was in the very situation I never thought I’d see myself in.

I was being told my life was at risk and that I may die if I continued with this pregnancy.

That is when I started to remember all of the verses that I stood on.

You guided my conception and formed me in the womb. You clothed me with skin and flesh, and you knit my bones and sinews together. You gave me life and showed me your unfailing love. My life was preserved by your care.

Job 10: 10-12 NLT

Was I going to allow fear to cause me to fold or was I going to believe that God is who He says He is? Was I going to stand on truth or be swayed by what the world said?

A Decision Was Made

The doctor and nurse left the room to give me time to think. My decision was already made but they didn’t know that. As I laid on that table I stared at the monitor above me as it displayed my tiny baby whose heartbeat I had only heard for the first time minutes before.

Hot tears streamed down my cheeks as sobs quietly escaped my mouth.

It was then that I became resolute. I started praying over my baby and over my body. I was going to fight and endure the pain. If this took my life, then that is the way God willed it. There was no way that I could rip that tiny life from my own. Not to save my own life or anyone else’s and here is why – because lives are lost everyday on account of their faith. Christians die by the sword. They are martyred everyday for their faith. I too should be able to choose death when faced with denying my beliefs.

The Faith To Fight

It was time to put my faith to the test and do what I professed to believe. I chose to trust in God, and if that meant that I would lose my life for it, then so be it. I wouldn’t be the first and I certainly wouldn’t be the last.

For I fully expect and hope that I will never be ashamed, but that I will continue to be bold for Christ, as I have been in the past. And I trust that my life will bring honor to Christ, whether I live or die. For to me, living means living for Christ, and dying is even better.

Philippians 1:20-21 NLT

When the doctor came back in I told him my decision and he asked about my faith of which I then explained that I was a Christian. I wish I could say that I took that opportunity to minister to him but I didn’t. I had just enough energy to say thank you, but no thank you and tell him that I’d be in touch.

It was time to put my faith to the test and do what I professed to believe. Share on X

The next morning I miscarried in the hospital. My precious baby was now in the arms of Jesus.

This is What They Won’t Tell You

Had I taken the advice of this doctor and ended my pregnancy I would have taken matters into my own hands. I would have allowed fear to win, and it is perfect love that casts out all fear. The love for my baby growing inside me and the love of my Father in Heaven is what helped me remember who it is that I trust. I trust in God, not man.

Had I said yes, I would have never known if my baby would have lived or died. I would have carried the shame of not knowing if the doctor was wrong. I realized that had I said yes, it would have come with a torrential downpour of consequences that could have never been foreseen.

It was then that I understood what so many women grapple with when facing a similar situation. They say yes out of fear. They listen to medical professionals because at the moment it seems logical. We have been trained as a people to trust doctors and medical opinions. So much so, that it can make us falter in our faith and derail us. When you go against the advice of a doctor you are made to feel irresponsible. Countless women go through the pain of “not knowing” how things may have turned out if they had made a different decision. I can only imagine that shame and guilt that these women carry after choosing what they thought was a “life giving” decision.

The Reasoning Doesn’t Change The Act

The force of life is a strong one. My tiny baby had a profound presence within my body and he/she continues to touch my soul. When I miscarried, it was traumatic. How much more so for those who choose to abort?

There are hundreds of reasons given as to why abortion should be embraced as a choice. Abortion is rationalized away but it will not change the fact that abortion is still dismemberment of a tiny baby within a womb. None of them is reason enough to harm an innocent life. Saving the mother’s life doesn’t negate the importance of saving a baby’s life.

I now have a heart for those who were persuaded to have an abortion. I have a better understanding of their fear and how they are deceived. If that is you today, please know there is forgiveness through Christ Jesus. Please know that I hold no judgment towards you but offer a hand to say that redemption is possible through the blood of Christ. You need only to ask Him. You need only to surrender it to Him so that He may rescue you from the shame.

I also share this to help the woman who is being made to feel like there is no other way. There is always a way for God to do something miraculous and beautiful, you just can’t see it yet.

Today I stand against abortion and speak for the millions of tiny lives that will never see the light of day. I stand against the genocide of our future and the darkness that pervades it. I choose life.

If you’d like to read more powerful testimonies about being confronted with abortion I highly recommend these two posts:

• 7 Scriptures to Pray Over Your Unborn Baby – Mama of Three Boys
• To the Woman Pondering the Abortion Debate – Lori Schumaker