Competitiveness and Rivalry {Be Set Free}

There is an entanglement we can find ourselves in when it comes to relationships called rivalry. Rivalry is a word founded on competitiveness, but also armed with connotations of divisiveness and ruin. Sadly, we have each found ourselves affected by it at one time or another. Whether by choice or by default.

I’d like for you to take a moment to think about all of the relationships in your life. You will see that rivalry has probably reared it’s ugly head more than once in your lifetime.

The most common type is sibling rivalry which most of us are familiar with. There is rivalry amongst friendships, classmates, teams, and co-workers. There is rivalry amongst couples and within parent/child relationships. Sadly there is even rivalry within the Church family and ministry.

Competitiveness is ingrained in us at an early age. Whether it be because of sports, academics, appearance, or even because we long for attention. It has become part of our everyday lives. Just because it is common does not mean it’s harmless; for it is the very culprit behind rivalry and the catalyst of cutthroat behavior.

Perhaps now you are remembering some strained relationships and even recollecting how those relationships ended. Chances are that you have been stung by a rival or have played a part in creating a rift that then led to the demise of a bond. In either case, rivalry has impacted you.

Rivalry is: Competition for the same objective or for superiority in the same field.

Overcoming Competitiveness

Before I came to the Lord, I was very much a competitive person who was driven by comparison. I was one who felt deflated whenever it seemed like I was failing. Oh my friends, let me just say that that leads to an empty way of living. Yes, it would be so much easier to deny, but I’m afraid it is true.

As I write this post, I’m confronted by my own shortcomings and by the fact that I’m a work in progress. It is only by His work within me that I’ve even come to realize the error in my ways and my susceptibility to going back to it. So, it’s not that I’ve arrived, but I’m that much more aware.

If it wasn’t for the lessons He has revealed to me within His Word, I might still be living this way. It’s by God’s grace that I have been liberated, and out of reverent fear of Him that I pray to stay clear of competitiveness.

However, since I am familiar with the ins and outs of this flaw from my past, it is pretty easy for me to see it manifesting within relationships and amongst various social circles. I’m afraid it’s running rampant this day in age my friends, even within ministry. However, there are ways to avoid it.

Competitiveness: Is it a Godly trait or Satan's bait? Share on X

Does God Leave Any Room For Competitiveness Within His Kingdom?

We are a broken people, myself included. He knows our propensity for seeking-self in this fallen world and within the Scriptures He gives us lessons from the past that revealed the outcome of selfish thinking and what became of rivals who vied for position and power.

There are numerous examples within the scriptures that discuss rivalry. For example: The Israelites had many opposers within their own tribes. Jesus was rivaled by the Pharisees. Absolam rivaled his own father, David. The list goes on and on.

But the Lord recently brought me to a part of scripture that I had not ever paid particular attention to before. A passage about Abner and Joab who were both from different tribes in Israel.

This passage brought me to my knees.

In these verses were the consequences of allowing jealousy and strife to rule.

Abner and Joab

Both men were leaders of troops belonging to opposing armies, yet still both from tribes of Israel. Abner led troops that belonged to Isbosheth (Saul’s son and successor) and Joab led troops that fought for David, King of Judah. Both armies came to meet at opposite ends of the pool of Gibeon one day. As they sat, they decided that 12 men from each side would go to combat as the rest of them watched. It was almost for sport, and surely for competitive reasons. All 24 men were killed. The next day a fierce battle resulted.

As rage overtook them, one of Joab’s brothers chased after Abner and ultimately he was killed by him. Abner had warned him to stop chasing but he would not listen. Whether it was anger, intimidation, or pride that led him forward, we do not know. All we know is it led to his death.

“Abner shouted down to Joab, “Must we always be killing each other? Don’t you realize that bitterness is the only result? When will you call off your men from chasing their Israelite brothers?”

2 Samuel 2:26 NLT

After these words Joab agreed to stop chasing and Abner’s men retreated.

As I read these words from 2 Samuel I was struck at how this battle had begun in the first place. It was calmly decided that they would fight. Competitiveness caused casualties, which then led to bitterness and dissension. We are hopeful that as they agreed to retreat that things would get better. Especially since they were both from tribes of Israel and serving the same God.

The shocking thing is that it got worse. Much worse.

“That was the beginning of a long war between those who were loyal to Saul and those loyal to David…”

2 Samuel 3:1 NLT

What the Path of Rivalry Leads To

What came next were divided loyalties as Abner ended up leaving Ishbosheth’s kingdom to swear loyalty to David instead. False assumptions and jealousy that were the reasoning that Joab used to seek revenge. All of these things in succession ultimately led to the murder of Abner:

• It started with competitiveness
• Turned to bitterness
• Caused dissension
• Created divided loyalties
• Caused jealousy
• Led to false accusations and assumptions
• Ultimately led to retaliation and revenge
• Murder and deaths of relationships

As you read this list and compare it to rivalries from your past you may notice that each of these descriptions may have played a very big part of the demise of your relationships.

You may find yourself in a rivalrous relationship now. Do you notice any similarities between this Bible story and yours? Has this information changed the way you feel about rivalry?

Competitiveness Leads to Emptiness

The lessons we learn from 2 Samuel 2-3 provide powerful insight into what becomes of those who let rivalry rule.

It has caused me to reconsider the dangers of competitiveness and just how aggressively treacherous its path is. What may seem like harmless competition and slowly grow into a bitter rivalry. That is enough for me to reevaluate how important it is to “win”. What are we really winning anyway?

The one thing you won’t win is harmonious relationships because you can be sure that if rivalry is reigning in your heart, then trust will not be able to grow. You can not cultivate loving relationships without trust. You cannot show love if you are too busy being antagonistic. If you read the story on your own you will see that both the offender and the offended played a part in the mess.

“Don’t be selfish; don’t try to impress others. Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourselves.”

Philippians 2:3 NLT

I believe that the Kingdom of God has no room for competitiveness, and rivalry stands against what Jesus stood for. Envy, strife, jealousy, bitterness, and rage are all acts of the flesh and fight against what the Spirit wants. Yet these attributes are clear consequences of competitiveness and rivalry.

Fight against the temptation to compete and encourage each other instead. #SaltandLightLinkup Share on X

There is No Need To Compete

We are called to be forgiving, loving, and encouraging to each other. We already possess the tools. All that holds us back is our own pride.

“Let us think of ways to motivate one another to acts of love and good works.”

Hebrews 10:24 NLT

I encourage you to pray about the rivalries within your own walk. Ask the Lord how you can further cultivate your relationships. Whether in ministry or our personal lives, God will get the glory.

“Therefore I, a prisoner for serving the Lord, beg you to lead a life worthy of your calling, for you have been called by God. Always be humble and gentle. Be patient with each other, making allowance for each other’s faults because of your love. Make every effort to keep yourselves united in the Spirit, binding yourselves together with peace. For there is one body and one Spirit, just as you have been called to one glorious hope for the future.”

EPhesians 4:1-4 NLT

On this week’s Salt & Light Linkup I’m honored to feature an insightful post by April from Healing In Heart. If you find yourself in the midst of competitiveness and rivalry you may want to do a heart check. If you find yourself in a state of offense like Joab, you might be in danger of your own hurt manifesting itself into something destructive.

>>Please Click Here To Read “Watch Out For These Attitudes: Part 1″<<