10 Ways A Foolish Woman Tears Down Her House

The wise woman builds her house, but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down.

Proverbs 14:1 NLT

If you aren’t familiar with this Proverb, then the title above may have startled you. You may be asking yourself, how can you tear down your home with your own hands? How is that even possible?

The answer might deliver even more of a shock. I know that it had me reevaluating how I interact with my family and how seriously I take the call of stewarding my own home.

There are foolish ways that we can behave that will directly contribute to a failed marriage and home. I have by no means “arrived”. In fact, I’m preaching to the choir here. It is only by the grace of God that I have overcome and that my marriage continues to flourish.

The Trials of Marriage and Motherhood

We could be here a million years if I went down my list of the challenges that wives and mothers face each day. Our heavenly assignment as women is far from easy and requires much patience, prayer, and perseverance.

There are days that I’m plumb tuckered out. Spent. Fried.

I’m sure you can relate. While I’m sure that single woman face their own set of trials, I’m here today to speak to you mothers and wives – for we fight a different kind of battle.

Expectations Can Go Unmet

The package of marriage and motherhood come wrapped with a bow of promise and happily ever-after. However, we know that once that gift is opened, it can be overwhelming as expectations are dashed.

Marriage and motherhood are hard work. Exhausting even. And yet, it’s one of the greatest privileges to be had. There is more effort involved than we could have ever imagined. Obligations abound, and a certain amount of toil is expected.

But what happens when we feel like throwing in the towel? Dishes go undone, patience wears thin, and tempers get short.

Fatigue can cause us to slack and mundane tasks can grow into long lists of unending chores. Suddenly, nothing is getting done and resentment begins.

I have been there. Have you?

The Proverbs 31 Woman – A Godly Goal

It is simple to find what a prime example of a wife and mother are. She’s a precious woman who resides over in the last chapter of Proverbs. As easy as it is to admire her, it’s just as easy to feel like you’re not measuring up.

She’s the wife of noble character and she has it all figured out.

While the standard may be set, you can relax because we all fall short. Only by His grace and the power of the Holy Spirit are we able to achieve the transformation that the Proverbs 31 woman demonstrates. This Proverb reveals how our lives, habits, and mannerisms can be changed as we are sanctified through Christ.

While we may not be able to be transformed overnight, there are certainly things we could do that can change the trajectory we are on. Especially, if you look at the list below and recognize yourself as having these characteristics.

Are You Destroying Your Home?

There are definite red flags to take note of to so that you know if you are doing more damage than good. The list below may even make you cringe, squirm, or sweat because they describe some icky behaviors that you’ve allowed to creep in.

You may have not even realized that you are in a habit of living out these very things on a daily basis. You will know straight away and it will be no use to try and argue it away or hide it. God knows.

This list may bring conviction and give you cause for repentance.

That’s a good thing friend. Don’t run from God, run TO HIM.

“Can anyone hide from me in a secret place? Am I not everywhere in all the heavens and earth?” says the Lord.

Jeremiah 23:24 NLT

10 Ways You Are Tearing Down Your House

1. Laziness

Laziness leads to a sagging roof, idleness leads to a leaky house. Ecclesiastes 10:18 NLT

I personally know how easy the laundry can pile up or how quickly the dishes can stack. The truth is we each face a mountain of responsibilities with our name on them. If we disregard them and lose sight of our priorities then our home, husband, and children will reflect our neglect. Putting things off will only lead to our own detriment.

2. Unfaithfulness

A worthy wife is a crown for her husband, but a disgraceful woman is like cancer in his bones. Proverbs 12:4 NLT

A wife is for her husband and a husband is for her…ONLY. Adultery is an age old tale and I’m afraid it isn’t going anywhere. As long as the enemy roams the earth, there will be the temptation to stray from your marriage bed. Ladies, that can even take place in your minds! What are you watching? Listening to? Or even reading? To even entertain thoughts is to be unfaithful in your heart.

If you are toying with the notion of cheating because you are getting attention from someone at work, or a neighbor is getting flirty; please know that you need to guard your heart. Turn it off, close that book, and keep your distance!

Your husband needs a wife he can trust and vice versa.

3. Quarreling

It is better to live alone in the desert than with a quarrelsome, complaining wife. Proverbs 21:19 NLT

I get it. We can all get a little irritable from time to time. Most of us actually have a little monthly visitor that can heighten our emotions. But something has to be said about letting our tempers get the best of us. Do you find yourself wanting to argue about every little detail?

If you are feeling like you need to fight every step of the way, you may need to step back and reevaluate your approach. Is the fight worth it, or can you let it go in the name of a peaceful home?

4. Nagging

A quarrelsome wife is as annoying as constant dripping on a rainy day. Stopping her complaints is like trying to stop the wind or trying to hold something with greased hands. Proverbs 27:15-16 NLT

Are you nitpicking on your husband and kids? There is nothing worse than someone who harps over the minor details and doesn’t let an argument rest. At the moment, you might feel like your incessant nagging is doing some good and perhaps you’re getting the point across. The truth is that you have only managed to annoy everyone in your household.

5. Lying

The godly hate lies; the wicked cause shame and disgrace. Proverbs 13:5 NLT

Take a second to ask yourself if you are being honest with your spouse 100% of the time. Have you allowed white lies to sneak into conversations with your husband? Are you hiding things you shouldn’t?

Lying not only hurts your family but it affects your accountability and causes trust issues. Once trust is broken in your marriage it will take hard work to get it back.

6. Control

As the church submits to Christ, so you wives should submit to your husbands in everything. Ephesians 5:24 NLT

Are you allowing your husband to lead or are you taking full control? There might be some trust issues involved if you aren’t submitting to your husband and that might need to be addressed with godly counsel.

However, we are called as wives to submit to our husbands so that we are in alignment with how God created marriage. We aren’t built to carry the load that our husbands are and we corrupt our household if we try and take over.

It is quite beautiful to see a healthy, thriving marriage in action. While some women may gloss over this topic, trying to control your husband and have authority over him fractures the relationship in ways you may not even realize.

7. Stubbornness

For I know how stubborn and obstinate you are. Your necks are as unbending as iron. Your heads are as hard as bronze. Isaiah 48:4 NLT

If you refuse to be wrong and stand your ground day in and day out, you are probably causing more harm than good. Stubbornness is a direct reflection of a hardened heart and and unwillingness to yield.

I ask you this, if you are unwilling to yield to your husband and children, how can possibly succumb to the Lord?

8. Disrespect

So again I say, each man must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband. Ephesians 5:33 NLT

It is true that a husband must love his wife as he loves himself and I don’t want to gloss over that fact. It is much easier to be a loving wife our husbands are holding up their end of the bargain. However, the Word of God doesn’t say to respect our husbands when we feel like it. He says we must respect our husbands.

How are you speaking to your husband? Do your words reflect your devotion to him or your disappointment? Are you gazing at him affectionately or in a disapproving way?

Chances are that if you decided to be intentional about showing respect from this day forward that the dynamics in your relationship would change in remarkable ways. It would take a dying to yourself, but isn’t that what the Lord asks of us anyway?

Just as a wise woman builds up her house, she can build up her husband.

9. Anger

“In your anger do not sin” : Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the the devil a foothold. Ephesians 4: 26-27 NLT

We all get angry from time to time but are we reacting, or are we responding? In order to respond we may need to step away for a moment and pray for the right words.

Rage and bitterness arise from the same place and if we allow our emotions to dictate our day then we can get stuck in an unhealthy cycle. It is quite important to communicate and forgive when we are angry about something that way the devil doesn’t gain a foothold and a bitter root does not form.

10. Pride

While this may be the last way listed to tear down your home, it is by far the most important. I say this because every behavior that is named above stems from pride.

Pride can demolish even the strongest of homes and divide the most solid of marriages, but only if we allow it to.

Pride demands its own way and creates in us an unwillingness to surrender our will for the Lord’s.

Cast it off friend. Pride doesn’t lead anywhere good – only to shame and regret.

The Wise Woman Builds Her House

There is a stark contrast between the wise and foolish woman within the Bible, and the truths here cannot be denied.

The enemy may have you believing that the traits above are merely harmless habits but those are undoubtedly lies. It is quite possible to fight against God’s will and demolish what He has built through our own pride and arrogance.

Today I urge you to take hold of the promises He has given you and lay your sinful ways to rest. Pour out encouragement on those you love and hold dear. Build up each and every person within your home and ask the Lord to mend the broken places.

There is nothing preventing you from starting today. Only yourself.

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